God bless America...

[Hitman]

FAT PEOPLE GOOD FOR UNIVERSE

They counterbalance the effects of the rapidly fading gravitational field that is tearing us apart!

By CARL FRANCOISE

Science Correspondent HOUSTON, Texas -- Most medical doctors agree about the risks to our health posed by obesity. They say the pounds must go if we want to survive. However, a leading physicist now says that obesity may be a good thing.

"Maintaining the GNB -- gross national blubber -- is vital to the survival of the universe!" claims Conrad Portly, a professor at Simpleton University in Houston. "The universe is expanding. That means stars and planets are moving in all sorts of crazy directions. If that doesn't stop, then in a few billion years the universe will be ripped right down the creamy center of the Milky Way. I, for one, don't want to be there when all life is sucked from the cosmos."

What does this have to do with fat people?

"I have discovered that earth is very close to the center of the universe," says Dr. Portly.

"Specifically, Houston, which was recently named 'The Fattest City in America.' The more weight there is on earth the more gravity we generate. If we produce enough new gravity it will pull those far-away worlds back toward the center. That will keep the universe from being destroyed."

That's not all. Dr. Portly claims there is another benefit to having more fat people on earth.

"They create shorter days," Dr. Portly said as he chewed thoughtfully on a Choc-o-Dile. "That means more sleep for everyone."

We asked how that is possible.

"Did you ever watch a skater turn round and round?" Dr. Portly asked when he finished licking his fingers. "She goes faster as she pulls her arms toward her. Same thing here. The more fat people there are pressing the earth's surface toward the center, the faster we will spin."

And what happens, we asked, when the universe starts to collapse from all the extra gravitational fat?"

"Then we all go on Atkins," he said. "It's all part of nature's plan for the wonderful galactic ecosystem."

_________________

[weaselinarabbitsuit]

"The universe is expanding. That means stars and planets are moving in all sorts of crazy directions. If that doesn't stop, then in a few billion years the universe will be ripped right down the creamy center of the Milky Way. I, for one, don't want to be there when all life is sucked from the cosmos."
"

_________________

WTF ?? does he really think he will be alive in a few billion years

[Hitman]

Growing Aussies need sturdier toilets

March 6, 2006

SYDNEY, Australia --Sturdier toilets may be on their way in Australia to cope with the country's increasingly obese population.

Standards Australia, a nongovernment group that establishes safety and design standards, is considering recommending strengthening loos for larger users, a spokeswoman said Tuesday.

Obesity levels have been rising for years in Australia.

Standards Australia spokeswoman Kate Evans said the current industry standard for toilet seats is just 100 pounds and that the group is looking to increase it to 330 pounds.

Experts will examine the seats "from the perspective that people are getting bigger," Evans said.

Steve Cummings, a committee member for Standards Australia and head of research and development at toilet maker Caroma Dorf, told Sydney tabloid The Daily Telegraph that toilet seats need to be strengthened for larger Australians.

"If you are going to sit on it, you want it to hold you," he said.

[Chantel]

[amunhra]

Is this for real?

First, man is the guy ever full of himself... they have no idea how big the universe is but OF COURSE we humans think we're the center of it. Brilliancy at work.

Plus doesn't his study just mean Earth will cave in on itself from all the fat people. I guess Americans need to be reassured of their obesity. and of course need to feel like THEY of all people are contributing to the universe... with their fat asses.

[Hitman]

[mrkeys]

I guess Americans need to be reassured of their obesity. and of course need to feel like THEY of all people are contributing to the universe... with their fat asses.

I am doing my part down here...

[amunhra]

I guess Americans need to be reassured of their obesity. and of course need to feel like THEY of all people are contributing to the universe... with their fat asses.

I am doing my part down here...

Don't do it man! Australia might sink

K, I'm kidding

[craigwardo]

Ban pls.

[mrkeys]

Ban pls.

I agree Craig should be banned